I got chris browned last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
