So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was like giving head to a cactus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
