meet me or not, i'm out of control
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
