Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You made out with two different species that night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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