don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
