I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
