Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize