The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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