You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
