so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is my gift to your gina
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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