doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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