and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
