ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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