it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
wow bdsm is so cute
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
