Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
