Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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