why im i the only drunk person in the library?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
