I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
