I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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