batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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