I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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