somebody snuck up and got me drunk
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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