it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
