I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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