I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
