so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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