Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
