HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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