Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
