his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
