I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
