My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
