meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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