I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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