Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
