I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize