just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
