He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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