i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
