i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
