I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
