it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize