Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
