I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
