my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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