why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
