This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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