we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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