walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a search helicopter?!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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