I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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