"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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