As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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