so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
