The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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