she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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