it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
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How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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