I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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