Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
