five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of course I have a pirate flag
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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