her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
