Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
