He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
