she was so not down for the gang bang
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
