I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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