Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
