She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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