Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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