You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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