Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
