guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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